Celebrity Big Brother - Part Deux

There I was watching a bit of telly last night when suddenly my jaw dropped open, my eybrows raised heavenward and the beginnings of a very high pitched squeel started to emanate from somewhere in the region of my mouth. This sound only lasted a few seconds before I stopped breathing. After a couple more seconds I realised I needed to start breathing if I wanted to continue to enjoy all the good things in life that I had recently discovered (I might tell ya about that or I probably will not).

Let me put your mind at ease here and now. No, I was not being strangled by some invisible assailant, no I was not being hypnotised by some mad Hypnotist weaving his evil spell in my presence, no I had not sat on a pin. The reason for my extreme reaction was all the goings on in the Celebrity Big Brother house.

It looks to me that now we're a few days into the week everyone has started to relax a bit more. The facades are dropping and we're now getting to see the real people behind the masks. I suspect the catalyst was Chantelle being 'outed' and the ensuing party. People are opening up and what's coming out don't seem to be all that nice.

This is my advice to the housemates, my thoughts and opinions.

Dennis - You are so rude and (downright) nasty. Prowling around the house, like you've got a really, really, really bad itch that needs a good old scratch. You need to get some Bromide young man! Drooling and pouncing on each young woman in the house is urgh!!! So not nice to see. You just seem to have no respect for women and no respect for yourself. Girls you need to wiseup, understand what you're playing with, be careful.

Jodie - You're a nice girl but don't go making comments about how other people live and expect them not to hit back at you. By all means stand up for what you believe in but don't start moaning when others do the same. Try not to take everything so personally, otherwise you will go mad. Most of all be careful about the kind of games you play with the boys. They read things differently, trust me "Men (really) are from Mars and Women from Venus"! You are concerned about the way you are percieved by others and portrayed in the media. Well, girlfriend (I sound like the mad professor on MOM here) your behaviour hasn't really done much to change perceptions. Actions speak louder than words.

Traci - Why don't you lend Jodie your copy of Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus? I know it will have to be when you get out the house but better late than never. Keep away from Dennis honey!!! I know it's a bit flattering to have such a virile person after you but he's not gonna do you (or any other woman) any good. He said so himself. That's a massive red flag to anyone. You jump in that fire, you get burned and you'll only have yourself to blame. He ain't gonna care a hoot.

Chantelle - You're not the brightest but there is some sense there. Stop right now, don't follow in Jodie's footsteps, you're still young enough to change direction. Do it while you can. You've been your own person up to now keep it going, don't let us down now sweetie.

Maggot - Did you really want to shove your face down Jodie's cleavage? Ok so you and pretty much every other red blooded male has probably fantasised about it. Did the reality live up to the dream? (Mmmmmm sounds like this could be the name of a Goldee Looking Chain song.)

Preston - Careful boy! I think you may have a lot of explaining to do or is it just that you've got a very understanding girlfriend.

Faria - I didn't need to know about the revenge you took on your ex and I'm not sure anyone else needed to either. Have you ever thought of anger management classes? If you're hoping to meet someone to settle down with you better hope that every copy of the show has been found and destroyed before you meet your prospective partner and in-laws. It's gonna have to be either that or expect not to be making much tea and certainly no tea parties at your gaffe!

Pete - tut tut! Good for you for standing up for yourself but a Gorilla Hair coat?!?!?!?! I think it's as much your undoing as it's been the undoing of some poor Gorilla. (In the Gorilla's favour he had no choice in the matter of whether or not to have a coat - you get me?)

Rula - If you really think so little of Big Brother and the "type" of people who watch it, what the heck are you doing on the programme!?! I used to like you, now the jury is out! You're on a warning lady!

George - Get out! Get out now! You strike me as a pompous, overblown, self opinionated, arrogant and just plain not nice. Did you not do any research by watching Big Brother clips or reading up on it? Did no-one explain to you what you may expect? Did you not think to ask about the nature of the programme you so eagerly signed up for? Or did you only think if Derek Lord and the Conservatives can do it, so can (I) Respect?

You claim one of your reasons for coming into the house was to reach out to younger people, to try to get them interested in politics. Well (as Dennis would say) suck it up! These are some of the young people you have to try to communicate with and I'm not just talking about the younger housemates but the viewers too. Slagging off the housemates, their antics and the people who watch the show have done nothing for your cause except to help strengthen the perception that politics is only for certain, over priviledged, over bearing, over fed, over protected individuals who are only interested in power and their own agendas.

Let me just say here that I agree with some of what he had to say about the behaviour in the house but what has upset me is how he chose to deal with and to respond to it. There was no seeking to understand, no attempt to build some sort of a rapport, no attempt to do anything but to sit in judgement and condemnation. If this had only been from last night I could maybe accept his reaction. But what's worse is that he seemed to come into the house with this attitude. It was obvious from day one that he expected everyone to be bowing and scraping to him.

He revealed a lot when he stated, "I'm more famous than anyone in this house. I'm well known by every Muslim in the world and that's over 1 billion people". Ok that maybe true, but it's not the Muslims all over the world that have put you in the Houses of Parliament Mr MP!!!!

Oh yeah, your card is marked. I wonder what poor charity he's supposed to be in the house to represent? I hope they realise they ain't getting much money coming from his direction.

Michael - I hear you've been advising Jodie. Good man! It's nice to see someone who is willing to sit down and pass on wisdom gained from experience. Someone willing to spend time conversing in a respectful way will always get me onside. You may be a bit loopy at times but my heart warmed to you when you tried to defend Jodie and some of the others as they ran from the snapping jaws of Pete, George et al.

CBB will have to come with a government health warning this year. If you're easily offended I would advise you to be very careful about watching.

Now I've got all that off my chest I have to congratulate you dear reader. If you got this far into this post you deserve a big kiss and a cup of coffee so here's the kiss (mwuahhhh xxx) but (sorry) you'll have to make your own coffee.

:)x